Archive | March, 2013


18 Mar

I am now making 3 dollars an hour. As bad as it sounds it felt worse to not be making anything…..

God’s Presence

7 Mar

Just had a prayer time that relieved some stress and encouraged me.  I know sounds kind of basic, but think about if it is that basic wouldn’t everybody be doing it instead of turning to addictions and stuff to manage life’s unmanageabilities? 

a Father’s embrace

6 Mar

I said father I am no longer worthy to be called you son. Make me like one of your slaves…better yet throw me in the dungeon and throw away the key. But he ran out to me…because he had been looking down the road to see if I was coming. When he saw me he threw his arms around me and said quick, put a royal robe around him and a ring on his finger. Let’s celebrate because this is my son………he was dead and now is alive…… I got rid of everything in my orgy of sinning except my sword…… be honest the thought of not being his son anymore was too much to take…if he were to let me be a slave or live in the dugeon i would have withered and died without him because i cannot imagine life without him since i have had a taste of him. He is really what my heart craves and i have known that all along. Prone to wander Lord I feel it prone to leave the God I love. I know I will continue to sin and that just kills me because the thought of straying from him just a little is a terrible thought when all i want is to be closer and closer and closer still….thanks for letting me share………



6 Mar

Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” Money here is just an example I think. I have tried to serve God and lust and believe me I have tried for decades and I am discovering that it doesn’t work. Hello!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want to love lust and I cannot imaging despising God and the thought that something would move me in that direction……….What have I been thinking?????

enough is enough

6 Mar

Thought of this hymn after I committed my favorite sin for the millionth time………I think I’m done. Really, God has been giving me joy despite this and I keep doing it??!!! What the hell!!!! Anyway got mad at someone at work today cause of all the stress so..thats enough for me….enough self destruction research….:) It’s really not all its cracked up to be. And the same is true for you and your favorite sin……..Give it up……..I’m mean really. And all is grace, even sin somehow and I don’t think I am far from seeing how. This needed to happen to bring me to my knees but God’s judgement is sweet for believers……..imho

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.


6 Mar

Just had the best conversation in the world with a brother in Christ!!!!!!!!! So encouraging. He has the gift of encouragement… doubt about it!!!!!!!Man I love that guy!!!!!!!!! Now I am back believing that God has not abandoned me. He really is working in my life in ways that I have never asked or imagined…thank you Jesus!!!!!!!!!!


5 Mar

Lots of stress in my life and I am letting it affect my work.  Can anyone relate.  I don’t want to catastrophyze but I need to do something differently.


5 Mar

I have gone from passive.  Do whatever you want.  I don’t care.  To agressive, do whatever I tell you to do.  I think I will try assertive.  I would like you to……I am a counselor.  I know this shit.  What’s wrong with me?   This human stuff gets old.  

Trust Me

4 Mar

So, I am in this terrible situation, bankruptcy gone wrong, wife mad as hell, kicks me out, kids with major problems, and that is only the tip of the iceberg and God says, so are you ready to trust me now. and I say yes.  So he gets in the car and says scoot over.  I’m driving now.  So I do and it really hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be.  I have been afraid that if I really trust God he is going to crap on me but the crap is of my own making and he is helping me get it straightened out….

The Test

4 Mar

The author of this hymn was so depressed that he was going to drown himself but a fog prevented him from finding the river.  The divorce I am going through did not make me want to kill myself, although I must admit the thought entered my mind after I read what my wife wrote about me in the answers to her discovery questions.  I am happy to say that it is a test that I passed and believe that my faith and trust in God is stronger as a result.  Now the test is……can I be kind to the person who hurt me.  I think I will past this next test since it is far easier for me to be kind to people than it is to stand up for myself…….make sense?



God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.